Five tips for a creepy Christmas

The holiday season can become infested with good-hearted, mushy gushy cheer at times, a real drag on those of us who enjoy our holidays coupled with a healthy smattering of gore. So to make Christmas more horror-oriented, I've come up with five cool ideas to make your Christmas season one full of love, laughter, and terror.

1. Wrap Christmas presents... with boxes filled with fake body parts!
There's nothing like the joys of unwrapping a present from your loved one on a wintry Christmas morn. But think of the sacrilege it would be to have your loved one unwrap a freshly bloodied fake hand for a gift! Of course, this cannot be relied on as a cheap Christmas gift for your wife; it's only a gag... She'll still want that nice ring from Zales.

 
2. Make a Christmas turkey... stuffed with a surprise gummy eyeball!
Turkey's a great feast item for the holiday, and most people love to stuff it with some sort of yummy dressing. To put a spin on this yuletide treat, insert a gummy eyeball secretly after the turkey comes out of the oven. Then, have someone unwittingly scoop the stuffing out of the bird. Surprise! Another gift! Calmly explain, "They must have missed an eye," and shrug your shoulders nonchalantly. They'll never forget it.

3. Plan a festive Christmas party... with a homicidal Santa!
Santa's the one who is supposed to give the presents, but this time he's taking more than the gifts back. You can pose this as a sort of Christmas mystery party, a sort of who-dunnit with Santa Claus. Of course, please let the elderly know in advance, and if possible, request no cell phones in case of a speedy 911 dialer.

4. Recreate the Nativity Scene... with flesh-eating wisemen!
The Nativity Scene is probably one of the most recognizable of the Bible stories, and one that serenely tells the story of Christ's birth. So just think how awesome it would be to have zombie wisemen come in and eat our savior! Not recommended for the highly religious crowd, as some would deem it "offensive." Others, like myself, would think it a hoot.

5. If the rest seem slightly out of hand... pick up Dean Koontz's Santa's Twin and Robot Santa for a creepy but fun family delight.
Cuddle around the fire with some hot cocoa, put on A Christmas Story, and read these two illustrated children's books aloud for a change of pace from The Night Before Christmas. 

Happy holidays, and keep the horror going through the whole season.